Thursday, December 21, 2006

Thanks Santa -- Part of the Thanks Giving Series

Dear Santa,

Just wanted to drop you a line to say thanks for your surprise appearance yesterday. I was beginning to think some strange sect of Christmas Krishnas was following us through Macy's, jingling bells and chanting, "Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas." A little dismayed by their persistent holiday spirit, I turned around to spy you waving your arms wildly trying to get my attention. If I had waited another moment, you might have actually taken flight.

There you stood in all your seasonal glory, beard disheveled, hat askew and slightly out of breath. "Merry Christmas," you managed to pronounce and then waited for our response. The twins and I stared at you, mouths agape, stunned by all the commotion and the crowd of people now surrounding us. Your bell-ringing posse alone must have numbered 15 or more and now customers and staff were gathering as well.

"Merry Christmas," I responded.

You looked at me as if, "Is that it Lady? I run through this store with my band of red clad zombie bell ringers, chasing after you, so your babies can have the joy of seeing Santa M. Claus, and all I get is 'Merry Christmas.' Didn't anyone give you the Santa M. Claus Guidebook that explains how to torture your children with threats that I am always watching. I am the greatest thing for childhood discipline since 'spare the rod and spoil the child.' I am the Grand Pooh-bah of the kiddy Christmas experience. And this, My Dear, is where at all begins."

The look in my eyes, must have said, "Yeah, sorry, I'm not into that."

Perplexed, you rather huffily asked if the girls could have some candy. To which I responded "No, sorry, but thank you. They're really too young for candy. It's kind of a choking hazard."

A choking hazard? Too young for candy?!!?!! Where are you from woman? This is the United States of America. There's no such thing as too young for candy. If you won't let them have candy, Christmas will be ruined. What is the point of Christmas if they can't have candy?

Your band of bell ringers collectively took a step back, as if they expected you might collapse from shock.

The twins watched you closely and then glanced at me as if to ask, "Mommy, is he going to be okay?"

"Thank you, Santa, for stopping to talk to us. That was very nice of you."

You spun on your heels and turned away in a daze, baffled by the strange reaction from this woman who clearly did not understand Christmas and her two mutant children who did not squeal in delight at the sight of you. Then off you trundled with your band of merry bell ringers to surround some other unsuspecting soul and bring them Christmas joy.

Thanks Santa for your surprise visit and may you have a very merry Christmas.


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