Friday, December 22, 2006

And the Winners Are . . .

The lucky winners of our Country Colloquialism Contest:

1st -- Karin of DoubleDutyDiary

The first thing I thought of when I read about this contest was a plaque that rests above the kitchen table in my Oma's (grandma's) house in New Jersey. It's written in the country German (Platdeutch), as opposed to the formal German (Hochdeutsh), as my grandparents were both born and raised on rural farmland in Northern Germany. So it's just perfect for the country angle of your contest.

Anyway, the text is written in "low" German, with very pretty script writing, and an illustration of a glamorous woman. So, until you ask for a translation, you'd never know that it really says:

This is my kitchen and I do as I damn well please.

2nd -- Jean

My mother would get exasperated with dealing with her six kids and the thing I remember most hearing her say was, "Sometimes I just want to get my bonnet and leave!" Guess the reason I remember it so vividly was because I was afraid she might just do it. I could picture her walking up the road headed east, going up the slight hill with her bonnet on her head and never coming back. Made me shape up!

3rd -- Jennie

Better to be pissed off than pissed on - until i had my son i had no idea how anyone would know...

Congratulations Ladies! You should be receiving your prizes soon.

Overheard at the Mall

"We faxed our list to Santa. So we don't have to wait in line, do we."

From the looks, several bedraggled mommies in the crowded Santa cue would have pummeled this woman with their designer diaper bags, if only they wouldn't have had to give up their place in line to do it.

Thursday, December 21, 2006

Thanks Santa -- Part of the Thanks Giving Series

Dear Santa,

Just wanted to drop you a line to say thanks for your surprise appearance yesterday. I was beginning to think some strange sect of Christmas Krishnas was following us through Macy's, jingling bells and chanting, "Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas." A little dismayed by their persistent holiday spirit, I turned around to spy you waving your arms wildly trying to get my attention. If I had waited another moment, you might have actually taken flight.

There you stood in all your seasonal glory, beard disheveled, hat askew and slightly out of breath. "Merry Christmas," you managed to pronounce and then waited for our response. The twins and I stared at you, mouths agape, stunned by all the commotion and the crowd of people now surrounding us. Your bell-ringing posse alone must have numbered 15 or more and now customers and staff were gathering as well.

"Merry Christmas," I responded.

You looked at me as if, "Is that it Lady? I run through this store with my band of red clad zombie bell ringers, chasing after you, so your babies can have the joy of seeing Santa M. Claus, and all I get is 'Merry Christmas.' Didn't anyone give you the Santa M. Claus Guidebook that explains how to torture your children with threats that I am always watching. I am the greatest thing for childhood discipline since 'spare the rod and spoil the child.' I am the Grand Pooh-bah of the kiddy Christmas experience. And this, My Dear, is where at all begins."

The look in my eyes, must have said, "Yeah, sorry, I'm not into that."

Perplexed, you rather huffily asked if the girls could have some candy. To which I responded "No, sorry, but thank you. They're really too young for candy. It's kind of a choking hazard."

A choking hazard? Too young for candy?!!?!! Where are you from woman? This is the United States of America. There's no such thing as too young for candy. If you won't let them have candy, Christmas will be ruined. What is the point of Christmas if they can't have candy?

Your band of bell ringers collectively took a step back, as if they expected you might collapse from shock.

The twins watched you closely and then glanced at me as if to ask, "Mommy, is he going to be okay?"

"Thank you, Santa, for stopping to talk to us. That was very nice of you."

You spun on your heels and turned away in a daze, baffled by the strange reaction from this woman who clearly did not understand Christmas and her two mutant children who did not squeal in delight at the sight of you. Then off you trundled with your band of merry bell ringers to surround some other unsuspecting soul and bring them Christmas joy.

Thanks Santa for your surprise visit and may you have a very merry Christmas.


Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Can Can It Get Any Better -- Dancing Lights


Hours spent shopping online only to click on at least 37 items that said "Out of Stock" or "This item has been added to your bag and is expected to ship 1/30/07" (Oh yeah, that will be helpful.) have led me to this. I am mesmerized by pretty flashing lights.

My conclusion -- Christmas shopping sucks big lemons, even online. More proof giving birth must have given me a big dose of reality. I no longer love spending hours at the mall looking for just the right strappy sandals. I would rather clean my house. How sick is that?

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Just See Those Snowflakes Falling -- Web Funtivity

Here is a great way to while away a few spare moments and reminisce about those third grade arts and crafts days when the most dangerous tools in your arsenal were rubber cement and round-tipped scissors.

Make your own snowflakes online here.

Thanks to DoubleDutyDiary for the 411. What a blast!

Here are two of mine:

Monday, December 18, 2006

Mimi's Peanut Patties

This is one of my favorite candies. My Mimi used to make them every year at Christmas and, if we were lucky, at Thanksgiving. I think they tasted extra good because of all the work that went into them, standing over a hot stove and stirring . . . and stirring . . . and stirring. Oh, but they are so worth it. Try this recipe out yourself and taste the love.

2 ½ Cups sugar, 2/3 Cup Karo Light Corn Syrup, 1 Cup evaporated milk, 2 Cups raw peanuts, mix together in heavy three quart pan, cook over low heat 1 ¼ hour, stirring frequently. Add 1 teaspoon vanilla, 1 teaspoon butter and 3-4 drops red food coloring. Beat until creamy and loses its gloss. Drop from tablespoon onto waxed paper to form patties. Let stand one hour before serving.

Sunday, December 17, 2006

Political No No of the Week Award

This week's award goes to CNN for their inappropriate focus on and repetition of their hard-hitting (not) story regarding the possible shift in power from Democrats to Republicans in the United States Senate. The real story is that a man, yes a real live person, Senator Tim Johnson (D-South Dakota), who is devoting his life to serving our country, is gravely ill. CNN jumped over that story, past several stages of logical thinking, and straight into the hyperreactive story that power in the Senate might change hands.

I suppose that is one way to get ahead of your competitors, by jumping past what is happening and reporting what might happen. Unfortunately, it is difficult to predict the future. In their haste to beat competitors, CNN has gotten it wrong many times in the past and apparently may have this time as well. At the very least, they have come across as ghoulish and so competitive that they are more concerned about sensationalism than reality and human emotion.

It is hard to trust a news source that repeatedly reports bad information in an effort to be first or draw attention through overblown sensationalism. CNN just took another step down in my list of reality-based news sources.