My mom told me when I was 8 you didn't exist, but I knew she was wrong. You kept coming, right up until I got married anyway.
So, what's the dealio?
Look, I can understand if you're a little intimidated by Hub-a-dub's 6'8" frame, but he's a heavy sleeper. He once slept through our smoke alarm going off while I got up, found the source and eliminated the smoke, even though I woke him three times. Trust me. He won't notice you dropping off a few presents, especially small shiny ones.
So, I hope you'll reconsider and come visit me again this year. Here's what I really, really want:
1. Magic pixie dust to sprinkle on Hub-a-dub's head to cure his blindness to dirty messes and make him thoroughly enjoy cleaning house, mowing the lawn and pulling weeds -- in extra-strength please;
2. Flying diapers that fly right off babies' bottoms when they're dirty, taking all the poop and pee with them, the kind that fly straight to the dump without ever sitting in a stinky trash can in my garage;
3. Surfer girl hair, shiny, thick and long down to my waist -- wash and wear, dries in two minutes flat;
4. Bodacious beach babe body to go along with aforementioned surfer girl hair, think Beyonce meets Beach Blanket Bingo;
5. The good sense to appreciate having said body while it is in its prime;
6. Certificate for surfing lessons;
7. Maximum load memory chip for my brain, so I can store all the memories of my babies and family and never ever lose them or let them fade;
8. Stylish self-cleaning luxury SUV, built toddler-tough; and
9. Happy place distractor ray to zap myself with when I watch Sing and Dance with Barney for the 589th time.
Oh, and the perfect stocking stuffer, a T-shirt from here.
Love and kisses,
p.s. I'll make sure the chimney is unlocked.
This letter was written in response to a Meme started by Tater and Tot. I'd love to hear what you have to say to Santa. Karin (if you have the energy after NaBloPoMo), Sonya (if you have time in the midst of your international move) and Kelly, tag your it!
Wednesday, December 06, 2006